A Preacher's Confession Vol. 6
by Neil Brown
Afraid to bare their soul.
Afraid to be embarrassed.
Afraid to be talked about.
Afraid to be center of gossip.
At times, I figure that people don't “get” me because I just
bare my soul. I'm not afraid to talk about my embarrassments and
such. Some people have dared to say that it makes no sense for a
preacher to put himself out there on front street. My answer,
leaders lead from the front, not the back. How can you lead if
the people have to look back at you? You've got to go up front.
So, I have talked about my privacy, my love life, my anger and
my age. And now, people are finding fault with me because I'm
not relating scripture or rather not expounding on the biblical
meaning of my topics.
This
series is designed to be an exposition of a preacher's life and
times, not how well I can debate scripture. I'm trying to reveal
that, at the end of the day, a preacher is human. And not
without emotions and feelings. Church folk, you need to know
that sometimes you are belittling, and petty and demeaning and
self serving. And sometimes you really make a preacher's life
hell because you hold him to a standard that you yourself refuse
to live up to. I love you but I'm tired of listening to
Christians balk at the lives of preachers. I didn't ask to be
put on pedestals, I didn't ask to be lifted up. I do ask for
support. Help me maintain my humanity while I preach
spirituality. No, I don't have all of the answers. I may not
ever attain the preaching ability of TD Jakes, but I do what I'm
anointed to do.
It is a bold step to stand before God's people and proclaim His
word. It's bold because, in effect, I realize that I'm also
laying out my study life before you. I'm laying out my prayer
life before you. It is difficult to continue to bring something
new and fresh from the Word of God on a regular basis. It takes
study, it takes prayer, it takes analytical skills, it takes
rhetorical skills, it takes speaking skills. It takes, above all
else, the anointing. Because working in the anointing takes
skill, too, and that's the thing that I need the most. Because
if, in fact, the Spirit is subject to the prophet, the prophet has
to be careful at all times about knowing whether or not he's
operating in self or in the Spirit.
I'm not your typical preacher. I go through dry spells where the
Lord is giving me no new revelation. I go through periods where
I don't want to pray. I go through periods where not wanting to
pray actually happens! I go through periods of frustration,
exhaustion and fatigue. But I also get up every morning and try
it again. Because my ministry is not a hobby, as a friend of
mine says. I don't just do this on Sunday morning. This is a
lifestyle for me. I have to practice it. I don't practice my
shout, I practice principles and precepts. That's what makes me
bold. That's what makes me so outspoken, so different, peculiar.
The fact that I dare to be bold enough to challenge the way that
you live, the way you speak, the way you pray, the way you that
you see the world in which we live helps me know that my calling
and election is sure.
So, for my critics, here's another essay for you to dissect.
Here's another lesson in the life of Neil Brown. Just a
preacher, just a man, just a Christian, but only human.
CONTINUES BELOW
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I'm reflecting on 12 years of ministry,
I'm reflecting on how I didn't want to do it, and how satisfied I am that
I did. I'm reconsidering the Confessions series. Was it the right thing
to do? Why did I write it, and is it helping people? Not just preachers,
but laity as well. I'm reflecting on whether or not I push too many
buttons. I have been called too controversial. Am I controversial
enough? Am I pushing boundaries? Am I walking too close to the edge? Am
I helping lives or damaging them? Am I making things better? Am I
helping to spark conversation about the way we think about ministry?
Better yet, are we even doing ministry better this year than we did a
year ago...6 months ago? I'm not saying that I have to be part of the
most talked-about ministry, but I at least want to be considered as one
to be invited to the table. Which would beg the question, “Do I have
anything to say to the Body of Christ?” That's for me to know and you to
find out. If you were to ask me to describe the church as I see it now,
I would say that my snapshot picture is a flea circus. In a flea circus,
the fleas are trained in glass containers. They see the rest of the
world outside of the container, but trying to reach out to it eludes
them because the glass container becomes a ceiling. After a certain
amount of time, the ringmaster removes the glass container. You'd figure
that the flea would know that the container has been lifted, but it
still observes the glass ceiling. It has gotten used to the fact it
cannot reach new heights and has resolved to no longer try.
That is the church. We'll say, “Where the Spirit is, there is Liberty,”
but that's not our focus. In fact, we're not liberated at all, we're
still enslaved to some mentality that takes us from one extreme to
another. We'd party all night to all night prayer vigils. We don't tell
you something, we share it with you. We deny our very human existence in
the hopes of being better Christians, but instead are stuck in rituals
and ceremony. There are so many mountains left to climb and so many
controversial issues to deal with. We have no influence and no power but
we shout on the regular. I really despise sounding and reading so
cynical. But this place I love so much is in trouble of becoming an
endangered species.
So, with all of that said. I bow out...gracefully. I resign my post as
poster child for the shouters. I am no longer your entertainment on
Sunday morning. I am no longer just one of the “youth guys.” I step down
from ministry. But, I pick up impact. I desire to see life changing
experiences and transformative thinking in my community. I want to be
run out of town. I want folks to get real nervous when they see me
coming. I want folks to whisper about me and point me out. I am no
longer in your shadow, but I shall be the subject of your gossip and the
bane of your existence. I desire to see it all differently.
I desire to speak out when I see the wrongs that we do one to another. I
desire a meeting with the president of the Christian Country Club so I
can tell him face to face that his tenure of Church-as-usual is about to
be over.
I'm going to wear my earring. I'm going to wear my jeans in service. I'm
going to put on my Rocawear and worship in your face. I may just put in
colored contacts to see if you notice.
And finally, to the issues that divide us, I'm going to hold you
accountable to dealing with them. We can NO longer sweep things under
the rug and act like problems don't exist. We need to deal with them,
work through them and overcome them.
I am reactivating my faith. I've been beat down too long and seeing
young people perish everyday, week after week. We have been negligent in
ministry, but I'm after impact. So, I resign from the bull. But, I will
get on your nerves. Believe that...I'm coming out swinging this time.
Reverend Neil Brown
11 February 2007
holla@neilbrown.org
