Whatever else happened in Holmby,
it is not beyond reason to suspect Michael—either purposefully or passively—was ultimately responsible for his own exit. Jackson was reported to have been upbeat and in high spirits mere hours before his untimely passing, but the truth of addicts is most especially true of Michael himself: addicts lie. And Jackson had been lying to almost everyone he’d ever met for a very, very long time. A troubled, lost, lonely individual, in both physical and emotional pain, drowning in debt, exhausted, paranoid and training hard to keep up with dancers half his age. Jackson was huffing and puffing through CBS’ 40th Anniversary tribute which, sadly for Jackson, aired the day before 911. How much moreso had eight additional years of inactivity and drug abuse impacted his frail body? The sold-out 50-date comeback tour he was preparing himself for was, possibly, his only hope. And it’s just as possible he knew he wasn’t ready, he couldn’t go 50 rounds and he couldn’t perch himself onstage in a chair like a bloated Elvis. Most of the songs in 2001’s Invincible were pitched well below Michael’s former glorious alto, and Usher mopped the floor with him at his own tribute concert. Jackson was rumored to have had a fractured vertebrae in his back, which would certainly make performing pure agony for him. Michael was a wheezing, aging prizefighter who’d stayed too long in the ring—and that was nearly eight years ago. Among the many, many theories being floated out there was the inherent possibility that Michael knew, likely from the beginning, that he’d never finish that tour. That he’d been doing what he’s always done—lying. Perhaps first and foremost to himself. That the end of Neverland—not the ranch but the vision in Jackson’s head—loomed large was certainly true. In the final analysis, it was likely reality, not pain, that Jackson was medicating himself from. And that, quite possibly, it wasn’t drugs so much as truth that killed him.

In the end, of course, the question should be, “Did Michael Jackson know Jesus?” From all available evidence, one might conclude that he did not, but only God knows what occurred between Jackson and Himself in those final moments. We can only pray that, as the circus now begins, that, somewhere among Jackson’s twisted legacy, some kernel of truth might emerge, some lesson learned.