It is impossible for us to influence young people to put their hormones on ice when these kids know, for a fact, their pastor is screwing around. I am terrified for these men, for the blood required of their hands. For the wrath of a God made furious by their selfishness. By the smallness of their tent: a tent so small, all they can see is a paycheck and a pair of drawers. Which is why so many 14-year olds are popping up with big bellies. We can’t even begin to preach morality to these kids when we ourselves do not practice it.

Years ago I told my pastor about my calling to the ministry and he said, “Son, there’s two things that bring a preacher down: money and women.” It’s a rather sad fact that sins of the flesh are often the most compelling. It’s gotten to the point where I wonder if anyone can remain faithful to God—anyone, including me. It feels like success in ministry leads to the kind of adulation that isolates and creates enormous blind spots. When everybody is grinning at you and nodding approval, you get this Pastor Ahab syndrome. Ahab was a king of Israel who tended to base his decisions on the number of advisors who agreed with him that it was a good idea. Of course, the quality of advice cannot be measured by the number of people who agree with it: bad advice is simply bad advice. But Ahab surrounded himself with yes-men and became so very impressed with himself that no matter how heinous and ridiculous a decision he’d make, the people n his circle were either too terrified of him (or his loudmouth blowhard first lady Jezebel) or too worshipful of him to tell him when he was making a jackass of himself.

This seems to be the pattern with many if not most black pastors. Early on, there is struggle. And in that struggle we usually find the most sincerity, the purest vision and the fruits of consecrated sacrifice. But, as the ministry flourishes, the pastor becomes increasingly isolated by layers of bureaucracy as he tends to add staff and surround himself with people who act as a buffer between the pastor and the increasing crowds. The people in this buffer zone develop a kind of night blindness, excusing un-Christlike behavior on the pastor’s part as bi-products of a committed life. The pastor’s short temper is caused by stress and fatigue. The occasional cuss word, cigarette or drink.

Now we’ve got Clergy Appreciation Month, which many of our churches here are using to have some manner of Pastor Appreciation Day—where they assess church members some dollar amount as a “love gift” to the pastor. Mind you, this is in addition to the Pastor’s Anniversary which, here, can go usually a week of services but in a couple of instances regularly went a month of daily services—with all proceeds from multiple offerings going to the pastor. The people surrounding the pastor think this is a good idea. Excuse his bad behavior, stuff his pockets full of cash. This, somehow, glorifies God.

Every pastor cheats on his wife. In the most benign sense, every pastor cheats on his wife in the sense that most every pastor is genuinely invested in his church, his church becoming his second family (if not his first family). Beyond that many pastors—I’ll stop short of saying most—are guilty of sexual misconduct as well. The pulpit is a powerful magnet for lonely women. Human egos being what they are, any of us can only stand only but so much butt-kissing before we start believing our farts don’t stink. We are mere mortals and subject to natural law. You get enough people cheering your name, your ego is bound to become inflated. The more inflated your ego becomes, the more you think you can get away with. The more you think you can get away with, the closer you get to becoming Kobe Bryant or, worse, Mike Tyson, doing dirt in a hotel room.

I’ve known so many pastors who are regularly and, tragically, routinely guilty of adultery that it just blows my mind. Even worse, among the Old Boys’ Club, these are usually open secrets. Pastors will keep each others’ confidence, and many if not most pastors know—I mean, can name names—of pastor they know, for a fact, have mistresses all over the place. I know of at least two pastors whose mistresses are on staff—have sweetheart paid positions at the church; they don’t do much but they get a check every week. And, even more sadly, everyone at the church knows this woman is the pastor’s mistress. In the politics of the church, nobody messes with the woman. Why? Because they *know* she and the pastor are regularly turning down the sheets. Yet, you keep going to the church, hollering and catching vapors and talking about ain’t God alright. Which makes you just as guilty as the pastor.

Sexual sin is so common, so rampant, so unchecked in our culture, that a friend openly wondered to me last week, “Is *anybody* living right?” Well, I’m sure somebody is. Living right, by the way, doesn’t mean living *perfect.* It means your motives are pure, your intentions are true. It means you are giving God your all and trying your best.

Am I perfect? Absolutely not. Are my motives pure? I think so, yes. I intend them to be. Am I living right? Yes, to the best of my ability. I have faults, I have weaknesses. At the moment, sexual sin ain't one of them. The sad part, though, is sexual immorality is so prevalent and so common that, when I tell people I’m not sleeping around, nobody believes me. Or they assume I’m gay. Church folk can be so utterly immature and ignorant, it just saddens me.

Many church folk I know simply do not lead strong, empowering spiritual lives. Their spiritual life is all surface. Like Madea, they’ve got that nasty, loud, mean Church Lady thing going—which is so anti-Christian you’d think, after 88 years in the same pew—they’d have learned something about Christ. That nasty, dismissive, gossiping, eye-rolling, teeth-sucking nonsense that leads them to lump me in with the rest of those bastards out there screwing around just reveals how spiritually bankrupt these people are. Since they don’t see me whoring around, I must be gay. This is the vise single ministers are trapped in.

But, see, I’m not single. I’m divorced. The rules are different for me. Your rules are whatever they are, but no pastor has effectively convinced me that God blesses remarried people. Marriage is supposed to be forever. Now, I’m sure I’m missing something, because so many people have remarried and so many *pastors* have remarried and remarried *again,* on their third wives and so forth (while still hitting it with the church secretary).

All I know is what’s right for me: I love her. I made a promise to her. I made that promise in God’s house and in His presence. Divorce is man’s invention. It’s a piece of paper that says she can do whatever she wants to do. And I hope she’s happy and I hope she is loved and fulfilled and that life is giving her the very best. I want those things for myself, as well. And, never say never: the day may come when God releases me from that promise.

But I’m a guy who takes promises made to God seriously. Most church folk I know can’t wrap their minds around that, so they think I’m gay. And they use that suspicion as a weapon to undermine my credibility. Like small children in a sandbox, they use the politics of destruction to undermine anyone who appears to threaten them simply by living a life with the right motives. People are convicted by your motives: convicted by the life you lead. That’s why they need to destroy you: to undermine you, to prove you’re not what you claim to be. I don’t claim to be anything. They just can’t find any dirt on me, so they invent dirt. The gay thing is something they can’t prove, but they don’t have to. They just sling it on you and now it’s your job to prove it’s not true. And, if you do that, then you're whoring.

Ignorant, immature, childish, pitifully lost church folk.

In 1997 I wrote this essay where I said I’ve met the rare black church pastor who didn’t deserve to be dragged out and shot. A decade later, I underscore that assertion. Mind you: there are good men of God out there, and I sincerely pray your pastor is one of them, But the rest of those soulless jerks need a serious wake-up call about the damage they are doing. It’s not just about them going to hell, it’s about all of the lives they are ruining by their terrible example.

A pastor engaging in sexual misconduct is the ultimate act of selfishness. You folks making excuses for them is just as bad.